An Open Letter To My Relatives

Hey all -

Anyone who was at Titi Jenny’s 60th birthday, who happened to look (and laugh) at the photo of me wearing white shoes and glasses…

This one is for you.

I need a photo, and I can’t find any depicting the years that I need.

I have a feeling I avoided taking many pictures during this time period because I was mortified by myself.

But, anyway – This is your lucky day for laughs because I need to refer to those traumatizing years…

I’m asking for you to dig up your worst. I need it for my website – For a little blog I am writing about zits.

If anyone has any photos of me age 9-13 with acne and oversized glasses – I really need you to scan and send.

Thanks!

xoxo,
J

That email was sent at least 3 weeks ago. At least. Can you believe that NOT A SINGLE PERSON sent me a photo? I mean…HELLO…FAMILY…IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE FUN OF ME YOU COULD AT LEAST HELP A GIRL OUT.

UGH. Whatever.

I managed to dig this one up on my own:

Confession: When I was 10 I had acne so bad, that kids at school would call me pepperoni pizza face.

Those were not kind years. Not only because of the acne, but also because of the ridiculously large glasses my parents forced me to wear.

This picture isn’t even the worst. I’m not wearing the glasses and you can’t really see my horrific skin because the photo is blurry. But, at least I look like I have a black eye (WTF?), and I’m wearing unfortunate looking clothes (Um…Sleeveless Flannel Shirt = FASHION VICTIM) Yeah…I’m pretty sure that photo was taken on one of my better days.

Anyway…

I realize we all have our awkward stages – Unfortunately, my awkward stage would last almost 4 years.

On the positive side, I woke up one day around 13 or 14 and my skin was completely clear. After years of being tormented, and after trying dozens of products that didn’t make even the slightest bit of difference- The acne that had been such a pain in my ass for so long – Suddenly had vanished.

Fast forward to the present: My skin is great. I hardly ever get a pimple, and although I’m only 26 years old…It seems as though I’ll be aging fairly well (Thanks mom and dad!).

However, every now and then…There’s an upset. These upsets are rare, so I don’t particularly mind especially since I’m always prepared to cut things off at the pass. There are very few upsets that my magic pimple cream can not fix. *NOTE: If you don’t have this, you should ask your Derma to prescribe it for you for emergency situations*

And then – maybe just once a year – There is more than an upset. Instead, there is a DISASTER on my face, and that disaster always leads to a personal crisis because it makes me feel like I’m 10 years old all over again kicking up all sorts of emotions that I really could do without (!!!). *sigh*

I HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS:

It’s been there for a week – It is completely unresponsive to any method of treatment – INCLUDING my magic pimple cream. And every time I think it’s going away it resurfaces.

The only thing I can think to do, is to kett fixx it.

Thank God for Kett Fix!

Look:

Whew. That’s much better.

The after picture was taken outside, in natural light – which is typically the most unforgiving as it shows EVERYTHING. That means the Kett Fix is doing it’s job and covering things up quite nicely.

The zit may remain, but at least it’s hidden until I can figure out how to fight a good fight against it.

Suggestions? Anyone!? PLEASE. HELP. NOW.

Thank You Dr. Bronner for Alleviating the Pain

This stuff is AMAZING.

Aside from the fact that it’s detergent free, made with organic oils, and 100% Vegan …It is also 100% biodegradable, and the packaging is made of 100% Post-Consumer Recycled Cylinder Bottles and Paper Labels. Basically, this means it’s not only good for your skin, but it’s also good for the environment.

Apparently it has 18 different uses and you can use it to: clean your body, your entire house, brush your teeth AND do your laundry – It’s even safe enough for pets!

What you probably do not know, is that it’s also good for headaches.

You may have noticed I didn’t post this weekend – Sorry about that. But, if you’d been following me on Twitter then you would know that I spent all day Saturday in Long Island where everything is very green and flowery and all together lovely – If you don’t have allergies.

I do. And I swear that they were trying to kill me this weekend because by Sunday morning I had a sinus headache so bad that 3 Tylenol, 3 Advil, and a Benadryl didn’t even help (Yeah – You read that right. I said THREE).

By 11 PM I started to get desperate for relief, and took to the Internet for alternative ways to deal with headache pain. What I discovered while sorting through dozens of web pages, is that lavender oil on a hot (or cold) compress can help. There was one small problem – I didn’t exactly have lavender oil on hand – But, I did have Dr. Bronner’s Lavender Castile Soap which is made of a blend of oils including lavender.

I wasn’t sure if I would need to use the hot or cold compress, so I decided to alternate between the two while watching a 1 hour episode of L.A. Ink on demand.

It worked!

For the first time all day I felt good, and a few minutes later I was sleeping like a baby. In fact – Best sleep in weeks.

Thank you Dr. Bronner. I heart you.

Fact: Being Mean Causes Wrinkles

Once upon a time, in an office somewhere on 5th Avenue, there was a girl who subjected herself to a terrible job. Unfortunately, that girl was me.

It was a grueling time during which I was chained to a desk, and a period of my life that I have not yet had the pleasure of eradicating from my memory. I was miserable, and it effected me in every possible way. I had never imagined that I would attempt to take the safe path and stay in a job where I was an underpaid underling, because I was too scared to go after something I really wanted. I was younger then, and had been taught that the safe way was the right way.

That advice would cost me 2 years of my life, that I wont ever reclaim.

The issue with that job wasn’t so much the office itself. In fact, I had quite a few co-workers that I had come to really like. The problem (Or half of the problem), was this woman…A boss lady…Her name was Evileen.

Evileen was a mean woman. The worst.

And despite the fact that I dreaded every conversation during which she roared her horribly nasty screams my way, I was still nice. I remained cordial when she was downright cruel. I held my tongue on a few too many occasions when she felt the need to use me as her whipping girl in front of the entire office when she was having ‘a day’ (Which, by the way, was almost EVERYDAY). I worked hard to decipher her Devil Wears Prada-esque instructions, i.e: I need skirts. Except in her case it was more like ‘I need a meeting with that woman with the stupid assistant, at that company near Raleigh-Durham’.

I’m not kidding. Those were her instructions.

But deciphering her code wasn’t even the worst of it. The worst was having to work painfully hard to avert my eyes each and every time her unsightly Botox ridden face, with freakishly arched eyes attempted to pierce deep into my soul. I swear, she would look at me and it was as though she was trying to steal my youth. And if she’d had any magical power other than her nastiness, she might have been successful.

Now, I am only 26 (which seems both young and old to me all at once)…So if you want to get technical I guess I do have time on my side. Evileen, however, was some 20-ish years my senior (I know this because I spied her drivers license once when she gave me her credit card to do her evil bidding)…

But, I digress.

Not everyone can come from good gene stock. I, thankfully, do. My mother is 61 and she looks great, and my sister turned 40 this past year and doesn’t even look like she was born in the same century as the stout, and portly Evileen. Unfortunately, the 40 something – ish Evileen does not look cute, and she clearly isn’t swimming in the good gene pool. Perhaps that’s why she’s such a cumbersome woman.

It’s been a very long time since I last saw her pinched face (Not that I’m counting or anything), and I hope I never have to see her again. Because, while she’s been released from my life – she has hardly been released from my memory and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel disdain towards her because she was (and still remains) the first person to reduce me to tears (publicly I might add) in YEARS.

I’m not entirely sure what her motives were against me. There’s likely more to it than the fact that I’m 26 and she’s…Well, never mind her age. Because, you know and I know, that age ‘aint nothin’ more than a number and she probably just hated me just because I was there and she could.

Regardless of her cruel intentions, the good, nice person inside me still wishes her well. If only she had been kinder, then, maybe we could have been like girlfriends. The kind of girlfriends who share beauty secrets (in this situation I’d be the one doing 99.9% of the sharing, naturally).

I would have loved to make her life better…Easier. Really.

I would have shared this with Evileen but she didn’t deserve my beauty tips. But you do. This is for every woman fighting a battle with time – Who wants to win the war.

Freeze 24-7 is guaranteed to make you look your freshest, and as close to your youth as possible (Plus it’s a kick ass alternative to Botox).

Try it. And don’t be mean. Because no matter what you do…No matter how many creams and treatments you apply…No matter the amount of Botox…

There is nothing – NOTHING – That can save you if you’re mean. Let Evileen be a lesson to us all.

Now, go get the cream and while you’re at it, be nice to someone today…It could mean one less wrinkle tomorrow.

Loud And Quiet ft. Santi White – Out Now (UK Only – Sorry)!

If you’re in London, please pick up the current edition of Loud and Quiet magazine available at select locations.

Also, as I mentioned in my very first post, Santi is featured in this month’s Interview Mag. I’ve finally got the tear sheet loaded – And here it is!

For Santi’s look, try the following products:

Urban Decay Shadow in Scratch, Zero and Peace.

Fruit Punch Lip Glaze from Stila mixed with MAC pigment in fuschia.

I Hope I Look This Good If I Ever Have Kids

That’s my mom. Sans make-up. Looking every bit the fox at 36 AFTER having three kids. She’s radiant, while the rest of us are featured awkwardly next to her. The rest of us being my brother, sister and I (Dad was probably taking this picture).

I’m the baby with the disgruntled looking face and messy hair – Not a drastic difference from what I currently look like – Which I insist confirms that we are who we will be long before we are aware.

Today, I still make that face and my mother still looks fab. She is also a woman with some serious preferences when it comes to make-up: Bold orange and pink colors are favored on the lips, black eyeliner INSIDE the eyes ALWAYS, and no blush (The rosacea takes care of that).

In honor of Mother’s Day, I’ve selected a few products with my mother’s preferences in mind. Make-up inspired by Mama Villafane…

Lip color: Vegas Volt from MAC
Eyeliner: Black Kohl Shaper from Clinique
Mascara: Almay One Coat Nourishing Mascara *My mother actually uses this. It’s a WONDERFUL product for people with sensitive eyes and skin*

Happy Mothers Day!

R.I.P Girlactik Bronzer

Occasionally I make an oops. It usually happens when I’m in a rush and trying to do a few too many things at once.

Lately things have been good. For the most part I’ve been well put together, organized, and not nearly as much in a rush as I used to be. Over all my time management skills have seriously improved.

But, the last time I made an oops like this I was still working a 9-5. I was miserable AND in a rush that morning…

And knocked my electric razor off the bathroom counter conveniently into the toilet – While it was still ON. No, I did not even attempt to fish it out (Hello? Did I not mention that it was ON? Getting electrocuted is not cute). And yes, I definitely heard it buzzing around in the wall as it made it’s way through the pipes after I flushed it in a moment of panic and disbelief.

Thankfully, that was some time ago. Well over a year ago to be exact.

I thought I was free of those silly blunders that no one believes could actually happen – Because they would never happen to anyone except for ME. Apparently I was wrong.

Somehow, in between gathering up all of my hair and make-up products (While trying to rush out the door to catch the end of some sporting event that I don’t really care about – To see friends that I do care about – Which is why I was going)…

I did it again.

I guess I won’t be using my St. Tropez bronzer from Girlactik any time soon since it’s sleeping with the fishes at the bottom of the toilet.

So sad.

The Style Network. Online. (!!!)

This is very exciting – And a GREAT way to end the week!

I’ve been quoted on MyStyle.com in a blurb about what kind of make-up is apropos for eyes that change color.

It will take you 60 seconds to read (OK, maybe just 30 seconds if you’re a fast reader)…Which means, you don’t have any excuse not to skip over there and check it out.

Go. Now!

The Style Network. Online. 5.07.2008
Ask Style
Any Make-up Advice for Color Changing Eyes?
by StyleSpy

Love It Or Hate It? 2008 Costume Institute Gala Round-up

The fabulous people at Bella Sugar, have come up with an incredible round-up of make-up looks from last night’s Costume Institute Gala at the Met.

My favorites for make-up?

Ziyi Zhang, Beyonce, Mischa Barton, and the iconic Anna Wintour (who, as an fyi, is almost 60 and looks amazing for her age).

For all of the hits and misses – Go here.

OMFG FERGIE!!!

I love Fergie and I’m not above admitting it. Today I heart her even more.

Her make-up is perfection in this video. Those red lips…It’s love.

Check it:

Beauty Tip: The Oil Cleansing Method

A few years ago I worked for Clinique. You know, the 3 step skincare people.

The jury’s still out (for me at least) on the 3 step skincare system since my experience with it left me with pimples that turned into small scars that took almost an ENTIRE YEAR to fade. 3 step + me = Not so compatible.

Skin reaction aside…

What I did love – and still do love about Clinique – Is the company belief that ‘Your make-up is only as good as the skin underneath.’

It’s true. The best foundation isn’t in a bottle or tube – It isn’t manufactured by a specific company. The best foundation for make-up is your very own skin.

In an effort to keep my own canvas looking fresh, and youthful, and blemish free – I’ve started using the Oil Cleansing Method. It’s the idea that like attracts like – So, if you’ve got dirt and oil on your face, you should use oil to remove it.

This isn’t about some fancy new oil du jour. This cleansing method is easy and affordable because you can use anything – Including that bottle of Bertolli that’s been sitting in your kitchen cabinet.

I’ve been doing the OCM nightly for 1 month, and I already see results. I wake up in the morning, and my skin looks radiant.

THIS is how you get the glow you’ve always wanted.

I encourage you to try it for 1 week – and then leave comments and let me know how it’s working out for you.